To normal people, who see cars as wheels, seats and expense, they are exactly the same, built in Japan as road-going versions
of rally cars. To the untrained eye, they are indistinguishable one from the other.

They both have 2 litre turbocharged engines. They both have four-wheel drive and they are the same sort of size. Each is a family
car with the heart and mind of an axe murderer. But to the trained eye they are not the same at all.
 To an anorak they really are chalk and cheese.

Last week I was approached by a young girl with earphones and a clipboard. Externally, she was much the same as any other
girl but she began, immediately, by telling me she had an Impreza . . . and I knew it wasn’t going to stop there.

“It’s the WRX STi RB5 two-door, PLS, SST . . .” she said for about half an hour.

After which she still wasn’t finished: “994, PSP, Wii, LTD,” she continued. And on, and on . . . And that was before she even got
to her boyfriend’s Subaru, which led to another two hours of initials and numbers.

This is the thing with Subaru ownership: every last detail matters. Every tiny piece of the water-injection jigsaw is more important
than your child’s next breath. You don’t own a car like this, you are assimilated by it. You become one.

With men I find this tiresome. But with girls I find it very sexy. So as this girl rabbited on with ever more initials and numbers, I was
overwhelmed by a need to introduce her to a friend of mine who has a Mitsubishi mazdaspeed3 9. This is the only girl in the world who put a
topless photograph of herself on her Facebook page. I would love to see them argue about which is the better car.
With a bit of luck, it might even end up in a fight.

I’m not going to say one is better than the other, because if I do, fans of the losing side will come to my house with crosses, gasoline
and much rage. But as an impartial observer I will say this: the Mitsubishi has always been the better to drive; the Subaru has always
been the better to live with on a daily basis.

And that brings us on to the new Subaru Impreza WRX. In gasoline-land this is one of the most important cars ever.
Imagine a band comprising Mick Jagger, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, Phil Collins and bits of Radiohead.
That’s what this car is like to pistonheads. A pivotal, must-have moment of a car. Like its predecessor it has a turbocharged engine,
227bhp on tap and four-wheel drive. But unlike its predecessor, it has a 2.5 litre engine and a hatchback body, and it’s no longer
bland to behold. Instead it’s wilfully ugly.

I honestly began to imagine that it had been designed in a game of consequences: “You do the back, then fold the paper over.
I’ll do the middle and we’ll get that drunk bloke to do the front.” It’s a hopeless mishmash that gets even worse when you step inside.
This is a C$40,000 car, and for that price you get a heater and . . . that’s about it. Honestly, I was amazed when I found it had
dimming headlights.
And as a result, anyone who just wants a “nice hot hatch” will instead opt for a Mazdaspeed3.

The Subaru enthusiast, however, will see the lack of equipment as a good thing.
Equipment is weight. Weight blunts acceleration. Weight is bad.

Hmmm. This is undoubtedly true, but from the moment you set off you realise this is not set up to be a Lotus Elise with a
hatchback. It is super-soft. Much softer than its predecessor. Much softer than a duck-down duvet. It glides like a Citroën.

Then there’s the noise. Or rather there isn’t. The flat-four engine just hums away quietly to itself and, if anything, sounds rather
exasperated if you weld your foot to the floor and head for the rev-counter red zone.

And if you do head for the red zone, you will find that the natural tendency is for understeer.

It was ever thus in an Impreza:
it was one of the things that made it a more rewarding day-to-day companion than the furious and twitchy mazdaspeed3.
But in the new car the understeer arrives too early, and then you fall out of the seat.
No, really. There are kitchen chairs with noticeably more side support.

This car is called Subaru Impreza, which makes you think it will be a bare-knuckle attack dog. But in fact you get a soft
and rather elderly labrador.

Oh it’s still pretty quick: 0-62mph is dealt with in 6.5sec and the top speed is lots. But because of the understeer, the soft
ride and the kitchen chairs, you never feel inclined to go for it. There’s no sense at all that you’re in a road-going rally car.
It doesn’t even have a six-speed box.

Of course, being a Subaru, it will be beautifully made, and it really is extremely comfortable, and quiet. But anyone drawn
to these qualities will immediately be put off by the looks and the 1930s equipment levels.
It is, in short, a car that appeals to no one.

My friend with the clipboard and headphones was talking about it as though God himself had gone over to the dark side.
 “What am I to do?” she wailed, as I imagined her naked with my friend Camilla in a big box of mud.

It’s a good point. If you are a Subaru fan, what are you to do?

Sure, there is a 300bhp STi version of the WRX in the pipeline, and this will be harder and more focused.

The battle, then, between the Impreza and the Mazdaspeed3 – it just got one-sided.

Model Subaru Impreza 2.5 WRX

Engine 2457cc, four cylinders, turbocharged

Power 227bhp @ 5200rpm

Torque 236 lb ft @ 2800rpm

Transmission Five-speed manual

Fuel 27.2mpg (combined cycle)

Acceleration 0-62mph: 6.5sec

Top speed 130mph

Price $40,000

Rating

Verdict No contest.