June 8th 2007

Just over a year ago I wrote the following blog and now, the situation has become even more ludicrous;

" Boy, oh boy, do I get PO'd at the German car manufacturers from time to time.

Seems as though their well known arrogance sometimes runs amok.

First there was BMWs' Bangle Bustle (if you don't like it, Herr Smith, buy something else, 'cos we don't care).

Then we discovered that both VW and Audi have removed the dipsticks from their automatic transmissions.

If you want to add some fluid, you can't unless you have the proper equipment.

The teutonic logic runs like this:

Very occasionally, some idiot tries to pour engine oil, or brake fluid, or even windshield washer fluid into our transmissions.
Even those who are semi educated, but not educated enough to have read the owners manual, try to add ordinary ATF to these
transmissions, when a very special fluid is required, because these transmissions "never" need a fluid change. 

But what, you may ask, happens when a seal lets go and the fluid starts to drain away?
The answer in a nutshell is "Our transmissions never leak" !
But, Adolf, they DO leak and then the process of repair and refill becomes a very expensive process indeed.

Now comes the Smart car!!
Did you know that this car does not have an engine oil drain plug? None, nada.
To change the oil, you have to pump the old oil out through the dipstick hole and so here you go, off to the Mercedes dealer for
a $175 oil change.  If you type "Smart car oil changes" into Google, you'll find European aftermarket suppliers offering a
replacement sump (oil pan), for all the Smart cars, which is happily equipped with a drain plug.

What arrogant madness is this?
Do you really want to be forced to either buy an oil pump and some 1/4" plastic hoses?
Or do you want to run to the dealer every five minutes, well, every six months, because the Smart only holds 3 litres
(3/4 of a US gallon) of engine oil.

Audi in the past, has used the power steering pump and its fluid to power up the brakes. Using a special $20 a litre fluid.

This sort of  attitude, "OK we know we sold you a car, but don't you DARE try to maintain it , or do any maintenance yourself",
is getting to be wide spread. It's a wise idea to delve into some of these aspects of  built in extra maintenance costs before
you decide to buy a vehicle.

(Volvo's up to some of these tricks too, try turning off the maintenance required light for instance, without the "help"
of the dealer!)

Even if you have "bumper to bumper" maintenance for the first three years, eventually you'll be left alone.

Actually, Mercedes just dropped their all-inclusive, (it's included in the price of the vehicle, sir) maintenance scheme, so if you
bought one on that basis, you've just been royally screwed over."

Now comes the latest insanity. In the latest issue of Car & Driver magazine is this letter to the editor:

" Your readers should be aware that the refinement of BMW now includes only speedometer, rev counter, gas, and mpg gauges
as instruments. During my time with a 328i, an oil can dripping into what looked like water flashed on the screen several times.
I learned this was the "add oil" indication. Unable to find the dipstick to check, I went to the dealer.
They advised me there is no longer any dipstick in the BMW 3-series except the M3 and that the transition started in 2006.
There have been a few hiccups with this new engineering breakthrough.
The sensors occasionally malfunction, and customers have added oil when they shouldn't have.
I was told the proper way to check the oil is to return the car to your BMW dealership and it will put the
vehicle on a rack, drain the oil, measure it, and then reinstall the oil in the car. Two dealers have told me BMW
doesn't want customers monkeying around under the hood. In my judgement, this new technology paradigm by BMW
engineers surpasses iDrive for idiocy..."

I know what they have in mind. Most German cars must run on synthetic motor oil and some owners, idiots that they are,
have been popping into Wal Mart and buying dollar-a-quart oil for their $60,000 motor cars. Which completely cancels
out all the benefits of a vastly superior engine lubricant.

Nevertheless, to saddle all owners with the need to go to the dealer to have your oil measured (not necessarily changed,
if it's a full synthetic) is teutonic arrogance carried to extremes. Even BMWs, Audis, Mercedes and Volvos become old
used cars eventually and third owners sometimes have to do their own maintenance.

Obviously, after the warranty expires, the Germans don't care. 

Audi, and Volvo with their concept car designed for women by women, both arranged the design so that the hood had to
unbolted and carried away by four sturdy (men?). Otherwise, the hood wouldn't open at all.

Idiocy.

Lunacy.

I could go on, but I know one thing, I will NEVER buy a car that doesn't allow me the opportunity to check my own underhood fluids.

It is said that BMWs have gotten to be a little soft and Camry like of late and that the forthcoming BMW 1-series will be a no frills
drivers car in the tradition of the 2002.

But if that lack of frills also excludes a dip stick or two, they can forget it, I don't want one.