January 5th 2007.
 
I have a really favourite piece of road that I use from time to time. There are long straights to build up some speed,
there are properly cambered corners and there are long, fast bends through which you can feel the car playing
russian roulette with the laws of physics.

Even in something like a Mazda3 you could cover the 60 km without too much bother in half an hour.

But, of course, the local highway bureaucrats have decided that the speed limit should be just 50 km/h.
They even send a cop to a special hidden place every so often so he can photograph the disobedient.

This is extremely dangerous. Because it means that some people do indeed drive at 50 km/h.
And that means those who can’t see any reason for the 50 kmh limit have to get past.
And this means that at any given moment in the day or night, over half the traffic on the road is actually driving
on the wrong side of the road.

Time and time again I come round a bend to find someone with wide eyes and gritted teeth heading
straight towards me as they try desperately to get past someone in a 50 kmh Hyundai.

If I were in power I’d put a minimum speed limit of 70 kmh on that road.
And arm the cop  with a rifle so he could shoot anyone who was failing to comply.

But why do people drive so slowly?

You have, no doubt, followed a Mercury Marquis, when all you can see is a pair of knuckles holding a steering wheel
and the suggestion of a blue rinse bobbing up and down. Very often this happens in the left lane of a freeway, but it's
much more of a problem on two lane back roads.

I don’t mind if people stick to the speed limit. That’s fair enough. They have probably already accumulated fourteen points
and the next one or three is going to be a disaster.

Or maybe the head of the line is a vintage car with a 70 horsepower engine.
But most of those drivers have vast experience (you can only afford a vintage thoroughbred when you're getting on in years,
but you're still a car enthusiast) and they will pull over as soon as an opportunity arises.

I want to know why some people drive up this road not at 50 kmh but at 40 kmh or even 30 kmh.

Obviously some of them are in farm tractors and that’s fair enough as well.

We need the corn that farmers grow to fuel our cars and feed our cows, so they can be exempted
from this slowcoach complaint.

No. I’m talking about people who wilfully and deliberately drive slowly when there really is no need
to be doing so.

These people always have a line of exasperation in their wake, and since their cars have mirrors they must surely
know this. So what are they thinking as they trundle along at 30kmh? If they cared for the safety, wellbeing and
happiness of other road users, they would pull over from time to time and let everyone pass.

But they don’t. They never do.
They know they are holding the world up. And that's their intention. Self appointed speed regulators.

So what kind of people are they? Well, obviously they have such dull and empty lives that they don’t mind wasting time by
driving everywhere at half the speed limit. They’re bored at home so they may as well get in the car and drive.

And they don’t much fancy where they’re going either, so they feel they may as well dawdle so that they can get there
as late as possible. For these people, being in a Chevrolet Cavalier at 25 kmh is the most interesting thing they will do all day.

Show me someone who drives slowly and I’ll show you a catastrophic bore.
Someone whose life is empty, shallow and pointless. But there’s more to it than that.

They are also deeply unpleasant. Like tree huggers, they wish to impose their beliefs and their way of life on everyone else.
They are people with an antisocial personality disorder.

This, then, is a useful tip for the police. The next time someone goes on a random shooting spree, then makes good his escape,
please do not look for someone driving away at high speed in an upscale car.

Look instead for someone in a beige Smart car doing 30 kmh.